my hope for this year
I have decided that this is the year of being rather than doing. Rather than making a list of the things I want to do this year, I am going to just keep living and taking steps to move forward.
I loved crafting before pintrest, writing before blogging and taking pictures was special even way back when I had to wait to get my film developed to see them. I can’t put my figure on one area of my life that I want to hone in on, I just want to keep taking steps in the right direction.
I have made enough large and sweeping commitments to know that all changes take one small step at a time. To run a marathon, you have to get out of bed every day and log some miles. To have good friends you have to listen, trust and make an effort to connect. For a fulfilling marriage, you have to be willing to love when it is hard and support your spouse as you each grow.
Nope, I don’t have any resolutions at all but what I do have is a large dose of hope.
My hope is that this year each of our lives will be so full that we can’t document all of the things that we see God do. I want that to be true for the friends we have been praying for a child with as they wait. For hope to show itself in relationships that are broken and need mending. For the dreams that take huge risks to show themselves as tangible. Each of these things require hope and a willingness to take steps, even if they seem small.
What are you hoping for?
Read Morebe present
I hear two voices in my head as I go throughout my days. One is my own, saying be in this moment, listen intently to the conversation you are having, document the images in your mind. Be Present.
The other, also my own, is running through a to-do list, thinking I should get out my camera and take pictures of every little moment, check my texts or do something productive.
Maybe you have this too and if you do, I’m guessing you experience a similar tension. Please tell me I am not the only one with voices in my head!
I would rather live in the moment because if I don’t, I’m just moving throughout days by checking things off the list versus enjoying the time and places that are in front of me. I’m practicing self-control in this and challenging my norm this week, trying to let the first voice win out more often.
For example: this morning on a walk I was thinking about the day and I consciously decided to redirect my thoughts to the way the sunshine was coming through the trees and the quiet that exists before the day begins. It was refreshing and everything I was thinking about could wait anyways.
I don’t mean to sound all zen but I really believe rest is crucial to our well being in life and I’m not always good at it. How about you? Where do you find rest in the pull of life to be in constant motion?
Listening to the breeze and feeling the sunshine, for the moment.
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weekend happenings & deep thoughts on purpose
Over the weekend we visited Uptown Kitchen’s grand opening on a spur of the moment decision. It was worth it for these cupcakes:
picture credit here
We also went to on Friday night to a Griffen’s Hockey game and decided that without the 90s night theme trivia, we may have been really bored. I took Saturday morning to go thrifting by myself and instead froze my hands off at an unexpected garage sale along the way for an hour. I used my best bartering skills and came away with a new dress (with tags) for myself, a blouse, a pink corduroy jacket for Hannah that I want to add some flair to and a new project all for under $5.
I am going to sand this two-in-one stool/chair down and repaint it white? pink? shabby chic? for Hananh’s birthday.
Saturday night included chinese food & leftover (little mermaid) birthday cake from katie’s birthday party and night with friends at the Gungor show at Calvin. Their show was truly an experience as they journied through their album with lyrics, poetry and art. In addition, we got introduced to a new band, their opening act The Brillance (Michael Gungor’s brother & band). Check them out here. More inspiring people who are living out their passion, their art and their dreams.
Sunday included Hannah’s first little Easter basket & dinner with old friends. A fun day which lead to an overly tired baby and a husband who woke up this morning feeling awful and sick to his stomach. They are both sleeping and have been much of the day. Which gives me a nice little quiet break and some time to read through some old journals. I have been doing that this week in effort to rediscover some of my own passions.
I see people like Don Miller & Gungor, both somewhat famous I know, but people just the same. People like my husband who are fully alive pouring themselves into their pursuit of life and wonder that should be for me in this season.
I haven’t taken up sewing, I still don’t like to cook much and while I love being a mother, I long to know what else I should be putting my days and energy towards. I am finding that in the first year of being a parent, you go through so many tranistions and changes about who you are in light of the little person in your family. I’m struggling sometimes to be ok with that. I really like my relationship with Hannah but I also know I need something more to focus my energy on.
Whether that be working part time, pursuing some sort of creative activity, honing in on my writing or something I don’t know yet, I want to figure it out. I hesitate to write about this ongoing struggle sometimes, fearful that I may appear ungrateful for how good I have it. Despite how joyful adding Hannah to our family has been, this feeling has been there since the beginning and won’t go away. The point I want to make is that life is a journey. We are constantly re-defining, growing, and learning who we are in light of where we are at and what our life looks like.
I know I won’t be in this season forever. Hannah will grow up and I will worry I spent too much time worry about what I was supposed to be doing/thinking/feeling in these little years. But at the same time, if I don’t figure out the answer to some of these questions, Hannah will grow up seeing her mom not fully using her gifts and dreams. And that would be a heavier regret. So the pursuit continues. I hope it does for you too.
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