Dear Hannah, you are worth far more than rubies
Dear Hannah,
I have been trying to figure out lately why I like you best in your pjs or after your bath when you have a full closet of clothes waiting to be modeled. I think it is because I think you are so pretty without any extra flowers or flair. I may be your mom but the way your little eyes sparkle so brightly already amazes me.
The fact that I can and do dress you up is so fun to me. Especially since I know you will likely want to dress yourself at a very young age. That is, if you have the independent streak in you that I do. As much as I love to see ruffles on your bottom and flower in your hair, I also feel keenly aware of the fact that I never want you to find your identity in the ways you think you have to present yourself. Sometimes as your mom I feel bad if I don’t have you all dolled up and it strikes me how much pressure there is to have everything look/seem perfect.
I have been trying to put into words with myself what it means to raise a daughter who knows herself and who she is living for. The conclusion I have come to is that rather than believing you are a princess, I want you to know that you are a daughter of the King. You are worth far more than rubies.
I hope I can find a way to teach you that. Maybe it is more about how you see me live my life than it is about what I say. If actions speak louder than words than I have a tall order to fill. I have a feeling I am going to continue learning some lessons about myself in the process. When I think about women who have changed the world, what I love about them is their confidence. It is like they know they are worth far more than their looks which makes their beauty that much more apparent.
I want that for you, to know who you are in order to change the world and live fully into who you are created to be. So even though you are still so young, I am starting to pray for you now. And I can’t wait to see more of who God has created you to be. We are finding balance between ruffles and rubies, pigtails and prayers.
all my love,
mom
Dear Hannah: thoughts on our first month together
Hannah girl,
I can’t believe I have already been your momma for a whole month already. I told your dad when you were only a few days old that having you made my world a whole lot bigger and a whole lot smaller at the same time. The bigger part is that you opened up such a deep love in me and caused extreme gratitude toward the fact that you are healthy. The smaller being the awareness that if I just have you and Dad in my corner, all is well in my world.
Right now my favorite thing about you is seeing your little face in the morning. I can’t get over how happy I am to see you each day and who could blame me with a face like this:
We are starting to find our own groove, you and I. There have been lots of people who still want to meet you and your momma is happy to share you but I am looking forward to some more time by ourselves during the days. We will fill them with listening to music, making crafts and talking to our good friends on the couch and at parks. You have already noticed that I am a busy bee and having you reminds me of my need to be still in order to do one thing well. Right now that one thing is you.
I confess that I struggled with that in your first two weeks especially, wanting to be an “efficient” mother in some moments rather than what you might need. I’m not beating myself up about it and I don’t think there was anything that I did wrong but I think I missed a few moments while to keep everything in order. Let’s make this next month more about getting to know each other like we have done in the past two weeks, ok?
My favorite night that you and I have shared so far was last Sunday when it was just the two of us. We sat on the big green chair and I read to you from one of my favorite books, Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist. We went to hear her speak when you were just weeks old in my belly. I love knowing that I am already sharing with you things that matter so much to me like good books. I will continue to do so and promise to include a variety of literature, including important pieces like “Go Dog Go“. *Also, please forgive me for your fashion statement while we read. I couldn’t find any of your little mittens and the Detroit Tigers socks seemed to suit you just fine.
We have also had some pretty sweet times already as a little family including celebrating your Dad yesterday on his first Father’s Day. He said you picked the places we were going in Grand Rapids but your taste is eerily close to his already. hmm.. Either way, he deserves the best and we loved being out with him, didn’t we? He just can’t get enough of you as evidenced by all the little moments you two share:
Time has truly flown by since meeting you four short weeks ago. It is hard for me to wrap my hands and heart around the fact that at this time a month ago I didn’t know if you were going to be a boy or a girl. That was the best surprise of my life and I think in my heart I secretly wanted you to be a girl. You are a true blessing Hannah and the meaning of your name sums it up that “God has favored me”. I can’t wait for another month with you. Love, Mom
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